There is an awesome psychological secret, it’s called the principle of consistency and commitment.
Let’s say you ask someone on a date, and they say to you, “Sorry, you’re not my type.” In my opinion, one of the worst responses you could give is to ask, “Why?” ”Why?” I hear you ask, with a hint of sarcasm. I’m glad you asked. What happens when you ask this type of question? The other person goes inside their head and starts thinking of the reason or reasons why they think you’re not their type! “Well, I prefer X, Y and Z.” (Or they lie to you, to spare your feelings.) Now, not only have you got them thinking about why you’re not their ideal guy or girl (bad thing!), you’ve also made them say out loud their reasons for thinking you’re not their type – another bad thing!
Here’s why that’s bad:
According to psychologists, people don’t like to appear inconsistent. (Sure, people are inconsistent all the time! We just hate to appear this way.) If a person’s words don’t match their actions, they can come across as indecisive, confused, or even two-faced. So when a person makes a statement, they will usually defend it and act in line with that statement, in order to avoid appearing
So, by asking your potential date, “Why am I not your type?”, not only do they have to stop and think up reasons or excuses why you’re not, you’re also essentially committing them (by getting them to state the reasons out loud) to act consistently with that statement – ie. to reject you as “not their type”! Instead, consider re-framing the question as a positive. “What would motivate you to date me?” or, “What could I do to persuade you to date me” is positive, and may get them thinking about the reasons why they would hook up. Plus, if they tell you, you’ll know exactly what they need in order to take the action you desire!
In fact, you could go much further than this. Let me tell you about someone who uses the principle of consistency and commitment to get hot dates who are much younger than him. He’s in his 40’s, and they are usually in their early 20’s. Now, with people being what they are, this would normally be a bit of a challenge. So how does he do it? He starts out by asking the girl to name an older actor that she finds attractive, like Michael Douglas or Sean Connery. Next, he asks her to describe what she finds attractive about him. Then he gets her to explain how a young woman could fall for an older man like Connery. Once she’s justified how she could fall for an older man (commitment), suddenly the age difference becomes much less important, and getting the date becomes
so much easier! (She wants to act consistently with her stated reasons!)
And now you also understand why companies run promotions that invite you, in 50 words or less, to complete the sentence, “I Like My Personal Super-Widget Automatic because…” Once we’ve committed ourselves to an opinion, we tend to want to act consistently with that opinion, don’t we?